Rule 3: Choose a Destination, and then borrow a map.
Andy Explains that when we encounter a new “season” in life, we must, in turn, develop a new skill set in order to adapt to life’s new challenges.
He further elaborates when we encounter a new ‘season’ in life, we don’t know what we are doing initially. To make matters more confusing, right when we feel as though we have the hang of it, we move onto another season with its brand new, unforeseen challenges. Thus is life.
The problem, however, is we carry our mistakes from the previous season into the next one. To avoid this, we must first determine what we want to accomplish in our current season and then find someone who is a little farther down the road, someone who has successfully navigated the season we currently find ourselves. As Andy puts it, “ask them for their map.”
Subtlety is vital, however, so as to avoid becoming a pestering burden to them.
To gain their “map’s knowledge,” Andy suggests we offer them this proposition: “Hey, if I bought you coffee, or if I bought you breakfast, or I bought you lunch, I’d just like to ask you three questions.”
He adds, “Most people will say yes.”
By creating a situation where both parties benefit, picking their brain will feel like less of a chore for the person from whom we want guidance and, we, meanwhile, can gain much-needed insight. With any luck, grabbing a coffee or a quick bite to eat will lead to an ongoing mentorship (though, it would be wise to avoid calling them a mentor to their face).
Andy concludes rule three with, “wisdom is not having all the answers; wisdom is knowing what you don’t know and having the humility to ask someone who does.”
Rule 4: Don’t carry any unnecessary baggage
While we all have some form of ‘baggage,’ Andy explains that we should avoid adding more baggage by facing our inner demons head-on rather than ignoring. He uses the analogy (which he heard on a podcast) “if you don’t deal with your demons, they will go into the cellar and lift weights.”
Basically, he says that if we unnecessarily carry baggage from one season to the next, we become bitter. Simultaneously, our inner demons - our underlying emotional pain and anger - will eventually become so great that it overwhelms us. Even worse, when we allow our baggage to become too heavy, we end up hurting ourselves, and by extension, those closest to us.
Quoting the Apostle Paul, Andy says, “forgiving each other just as in Christ, God forgave you.” In other words, as Christians, we do not forgive others because those who wronged us deserve mercy. We forgive others because we, ourselves, are forgiven.
To move on from the pain others have caused, we must first let go of the anger we hold for them, even when our anger is justified. Because, in the end, that anger, regardless of how warranted it might be, only ends up hurting us and those we hold dear in end.